This is not a blog I want to write. If it had not been for a comment from our sister Jacquie at Joy Cottage, I doubt this post would have seen the light of day. We have been under strict orders from the Father not to post anything that would discourage anyone from following the path of uncompromising faith. I do not know if this post will cross that line. The truth is for the last 5 months the enemy has put our faith under siege. What follows is a view from our perspective of what it looks like from the trenches.
Word to the remnant
We observe the many words to the remnant of how God is going to, or is, pouring out His blessing upon them this year. We have not seen this blessing but have experienced the very opposite from the start of the Jewish new year. Instead of being a year of a great forward motion, our lives have been under near constant assault by the enemy.
The assault began on our financial situation back in October. At first the tightening was so severe that we thought we would have to leave the motel room and be homeless again. That did not happen thankfully and we stayed indoors. We enjoyed a good Christmas thanks to the generosity of our supporters and God’s blessing, but we are once again reduced to food, shelter and laundry. We are getting by, but there is little wiggle room. I do not write this to elicit support or pity but only to let our friends know one stress in this siege.
We pay roughly 70% of our support on lodging and 28 to 31% on food, toiletries and laundry each week. What remains allows us to help others and replace things that break. We live in a small place so we need little. As you can see from the picture, we have filled this room and there is little space for anything else. We spend a good deal of time sitting in place and shuffling things around as needed.
The constricted space prevents us from having any activities besides sitting at the computer and browsing the Internet. This restriction has been a test of our faith even greater than the little blue house. God has kept us confined for 930 days in this small room and we can only compare it to being in a prison cell.
- 3 women, 1 man and one bathroom.
- A dog that whines incessantly when girl dogs go into heat.
- A parrot whose favorite pastime is screaming at the level of a jet engine taking off.
Can you see how sanity is tested in such confines?
Our physical circumstances are a small part of the siege our faith is under. The most difficult test we face is the steady progression of time and no appearance of any destiny for our family. We often feel forgotten and lonely. Each birthday a stark reminder we are getting older and going nowhere. After such a tremendous journey of faith and testing already behind us we find it difficult to accept this sequestration. Over the past 13 years God has placed in us a singular desire and passion for one specific destiny. God has refined this passion in the furnace of affliction many times over so we feel He has purified it for His purposes. Yet we wait with not even a hint of fulfillment. Time passes and we see no way forward.
Faith under siege
Faith under siege need not be a brutal frontal attack on one’s beliefs. We have endured that and can attest that it is but one form of oppression. This siege has been different but very much like the first 4 years of our faith journey. The endless waiting has produced frustration, boredom, discouragement and depression. It has also brought about wisdom, maturity and victory. To us it seems this strange mix is all a part of how God prepares us for what lies ahead.
A good soldier
What soldier is allowed to break ranks just because he or she does not like the orders of the commander? I suspect they would be severely punished for such conduct. Since this is the case in earthly armies why would it be any different in our Father’s army. We must accept from Him the brutal reality of battle, the rigors and chastening of training and the oppressive heaviness of waiting. This is the life of a soldier (2 Timothy 2:3) in our Lord’s fighting forces and we would have it no other way.
Holding in faith
Though we remain under siege, and will probably remain so for a time yet, we hold in faith. I cannot say if we will handle the waiting well as there are good days and bad days. What I can say is that we will remain true to the course God has laid before us. We made the choice to live in uncompromising faith and will accept the consequences of that choice. If we are to continue under siege and not see the blessing so many others appear to enjoy, so be it.
Homer and Wanda